Saturday, January 23, 2010

Dear prospective pre-fellow

Dear prospective pre-fellow,

We are elated to inform you we have concluded you are to receive a pre-invitation for the privilege of receiving an invitation of membership into our private, inter-mutual society. Please consider this letter to be our formal yet extremely private and confidential pre-invitation in confirmation of our above said decision.

We are delighted to extend this pre-invitation to you not because of your abilities, which we understand are exemplary, formidable and admirable, neither because of your formidable physique whether in appearance or dimension or both, nor your absolutely fortuitous and fitting age - that measure of your temporal proportion - not even your argentine demeanor nor your tendency to be overly presentable at public and private affairs. We should tell you, we considered neither your stellar record of achievement, nor any of your obviously innumerable innate talents, which we gather are plainly evident and extensive and most superlative, especially as they pertain to your chosen vocation which itself, we are told, is beyond reproach and extremely admirable. No-- the primary factor which influenced our decision, whether to extend this pre-invitation or not, was our own pedestrian yet extensive assessment of the likelihood, the calculable propensity, that you are likely to possess that elusive quality, the ability to make the present members of our inter-mutual society feel elated to be within a certain physical proximity of you-- to be close enough and yet not enough to cause discomfort nor any awkwardness in a measurable sense and yet to be delighted to be there, together, along side one another. We believe you are likely to possess the requisite qualities; in fact we are quite certain that you do. You must understand we have observed you closely for a good while now and thus we are quite confident in our judgment regarding the matter.

You see, we, as a group of members of this obscure yet intriguing society, strive to be delighted to be in one another’s company, to enjoy one another’s presence within an undefined and yet a certain, subjectively discernable, measure of proximity of a certain none-predetermined scale or measure nor set of boundaries. We are of the opinion, or should we be as brash as to suggest that we strongly suspect, you are also of a like mind regarding this opinion; thus we predict, with a certain degree of prejudice and premeditation, that you will in fact be a supremely congruent addition to our exclusive yet collegiate collective especially by the time it is all said and done; when the pre-invitation has resolved into an invitation and it in turn into an enrolment and finally a continuing membership come fellowship. We hope you agree with us, we really do. In fact we pray that you do.

We implore you that you reply at your earliest convenience to inform us whether or not you are inclined to view our pre-invitation in a positive light, and further, if you should do so, may we beg you if you could please disclose to us, in your own words, in writing, in your own hand, what membership in this particular circle will mean to you? We kindly ask you to do so as soon as it is practicable for you to do so, we beg you. Please do, as soon as you possible are able to.

Our dearest, newest, selected one; our prospective friend and pre-fellow; we would like for you to understand we are glad we found you, here, at this very moment in time, at this very juncture in the history of our inter-mutual society and also at this pivotal point in your illustrious life-- it was a stroke of luck, of fortune, it may have even been providence; we think this to be true.

We look forward to hear from you in the not too distant future as we wait in anticipation for your first letter to us to arrive, even if it is merely in response to this mundane and tentative letter of ours. We want you to know we are overly excited, as we hope and dare to imagine that you are too.

We close in devotion and in anticipation as we remain cordially yours,

Z. Candringa.

Secretary and Senior Coordinator:
Affairs Pertaining to Selection, Membership and Collective Harmony

The Grand Old Inter-Mutual Society.
“The people who are elated to be within a certain proximity of one another.”

form letter; pre-invitation

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